Although I cannot say that 2009 was my best year yet, it could have been worse! I could have lost my job or my life... for those two things not happening, I am eternally grateful! Most of the hard lessons of this past year have been as a result of choices made by me.. I am grateful for the principle of free agency and the miracle that my testimony... although weak at times this year...it never truly was lost.
I am ending the year on a definitely brighter mental and physical place than I was 6 months ago. Reflections are necessary because they help me to see more clearly where I have been this past year and where I hope to be a year from now... I am not really sure about the "when" or the "where" my major NEXT step in changing my life will happen.. I do know it will happen this year...Relying on guidance from the Lord is actually a great thing.. it teaches me to be humble and to really "listen" to prompting... my "needs" -not my "wants" are becoming clearer in some ways..
Appreciation for comments.. .many made in an effort to provide me with "tough love" abound. Although I can feel as though I am a deserted island unto myself, I know that there are family members and friends who enrich my life... if I let them.
I am grateful that my children have found contentment in their lives this past year. I continue to be proud of the adults they have become and look with excitement to what they will accomplish this next year...LOOK OUT WORLD... HERE COME MY KIDS !!!
My love for my parents gets deeper every day. If there were ever two people in this world who love each other and others unconditionally more than they do, I have yet to meet them.
"Trust in the Lord with thine own heart and lean not unto thy own understanding" has always been one of my favorite scriptures, but it has also become my constant focus point. Funny how the scriptures can do that for us...
I look back to see who I was so I can fix or modify who I am in order to become who I am meant to be... 2010... READY OR NOT... HERE I COME!!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
A week in the life....
Tuesday was my surgery. I dont think I have ever looked forward to the deliberate mutilation of my bikini body, but I must say I did this time. Tifton is getting too small or something because no only did I know one of the nurses who worked in pre- op, but I knew all three of them!! One was from church and the other two were parents of my past students. Anyhow... Dr. McEachin said that most of my pain had been a result of the mesh from my previous hernia surgery "bunching" up and having several globs of adipose tissue (fat) clogged in it...He said that the fat cells had gotten tangled in the mesh because of my weight loss... Who knew such a thing could even happen !
I am now the proud owner of 26 staples and a 10 inch incision. I must confess that the pain that has resulted from this surgery is the worst I have ever experienced. Thus my aforementioned frequent trips to La La Land..
My room was actually quite wonderful. It was in the new wing of the hospital...the last one on the hallway. It was a private room and was bigger than any other room I have been in before. Big enough for two recliners, one double seated bench, a bed, a vanity, a TV and still enough room to even dance in if I so chose to. Also, I was able to sleep deeply for long periods of time even though I was directly in front of the nurse's station. Other than being extremely sore and my butt constantly being attacked by the "numbies", I actually felt quite rested when I was released today.
I was struck by certain similarities this week...
30 years ago during this same time period, I was also extremely swollen, was reduced to taking short panting breaths and easing myself into chairs. I was pregnant and at the "if I sneeze, she'll pop out" stage with Sarah. I cannot believe it has been that long and my last youngin is within days of being 3 decades old! Sarah, Travis and Lindsea managed to sneak into town on Tuesday evening and surprise me with a visit. Sarah had to go back on Wednesday because Guest Relations cannot run well without her presence. Lindsea nd Travis went back today (Thurs).
Another trip down memory lane this week occurred on Christmas Eve. 30 years ago, I had mentioned to Dad that all I wanted for Christmas was for him to record the Christmas story for me.. My cassette tape arrived in Illinois on Dec. 23rd and I can remember sitting in my rocking chair "being great with child" and listening to the Story all by myself as Travis and Dale were in Chester. Tonight I was again" great with swollen tummy" and listened on my cell phone as Dad read the Christmas Story for one more year...
I am truly blessed at this Christmas season... I have my health, a job that I love, a roof over my head, food to eat and friends and family to share life with...
I also have a great little nurse, Caitlin who is both cute and very serious when she is applying Betadine to my incision.....
I am now the proud owner of 26 staples and a 10 inch incision. I must confess that the pain that has resulted from this surgery is the worst I have ever experienced. Thus my aforementioned frequent trips to La La Land..
My room was actually quite wonderful. It was in the new wing of the hospital...the last one on the hallway. It was a private room and was bigger than any other room I have been in before. Big enough for two recliners, one double seated bench, a bed, a vanity, a TV and still enough room to even dance in if I so chose to. Also, I was able to sleep deeply for long periods of time even though I was directly in front of the nurse's station. Other than being extremely sore and my butt constantly being attacked by the "numbies", I actually felt quite rested when I was released today.
I was struck by certain similarities this week...
30 years ago during this same time period, I was also extremely swollen, was reduced to taking short panting breaths and easing myself into chairs. I was pregnant and at the "if I sneeze, she'll pop out" stage with Sarah. I cannot believe it has been that long and my last youngin is within days of being 3 decades old! Sarah, Travis and Lindsea managed to sneak into town on Tuesday evening and surprise me with a visit. Sarah had to go back on Wednesday because Guest Relations cannot run well without her presence. Lindsea nd Travis went back today (Thurs).
Another trip down memory lane this week occurred on Christmas Eve. 30 years ago, I had mentioned to Dad that all I wanted for Christmas was for him to record the Christmas story for me.. My cassette tape arrived in Illinois on Dec. 23rd and I can remember sitting in my rocking chair "being great with child" and listening to the Story all by myself as Travis and Dale were in Chester. Tonight I was again" great with swollen tummy" and listened on my cell phone as Dad read the Christmas Story for one more year...
I am truly blessed at this Christmas season... I have my health, a job that I love, a roof over my head, food to eat and friends and family to share life with...
I also have a great little nurse, Caitlin who is both cute and very serious when she is applying Betadine to my incision.....
La La Land
I have discovered a new place...
.... It is called La La Land and i was introduced to it on Tues by Dr. McEachin. Entrance to this country kinda slips up on you. In fact, I can't really remember the exact route I took to get there. I just know that I have enjoyed my visit thus far. I find there is very little pain in La La Land and little to no responsibility such as driving, operating heavy machinery or even getting up out of bed. Although this is not a place that I want to visit on a permanent basis, I must admit to having a restful time while exploring the wonders of this new place. I'd love to invite ya'll to visit me there, but I think it is a place where one person at a time is allowed entrance... and if, while visiting this new and wondrous place, I should happen to do something really stupid or out of character, no one really seems to care!!
.... It is called La La Land and i was introduced to it on Tues by Dr. McEachin. Entrance to this country kinda slips up on you. In fact, I can't really remember the exact route I took to get there. I just know that I have enjoyed my visit thus far. I find there is very little pain in La La Land and little to no responsibility such as driving, operating heavy machinery or even getting up out of bed. Although this is not a place that I want to visit on a permanent basis, I must admit to having a restful time while exploring the wonders of this new place. I'd love to invite ya'll to visit me there, but I think it is a place where one person at a time is allowed entrance... and if, while visiting this new and wondrous place, I should happen to do something really stupid or out of character, no one really seems to care!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Every Woman Should......
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. By Maya Angelou
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she’s content to leave behind….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she’s content to leave behind….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
Odds and ends of musings...
I loved being with the family in the Christmas Parade last Saturday and walking with my History Club youngins... However, I do not like the after effects...! I was trying to wait until the end of the school year to give birth to my diagnosed hernia... Bbbbbuuuutttttt after walking the three miles of the parade route, I knew I was in deep trouble by the time I got to my car.. .
Flashback to this time of year about 30 years ago when I was pregnant with Sarah and that is how I am feeling at the moment. Cant breathe well, cant bend over well pain from middle tummy area to side, and swollen...
My impending date with the surgeon is probably gonna be on the 22nd... Not that I had some earth shattering plans for Christmas, but I hadn't planned to be laying on my back staring at the ceiling for about 3 weeks! ( Surgeon says 6 weeks recovery... I don't have that long.. so I am saying 3 weeks!)
My baby is fast approaching her 30th birthday.. It hardly seems possible, but it is true! She has turned out better than I ever hoped she would. I am so proud of her commitment and testimony of the Gospel, her love of people and the way that she nurtures those closest to where she lives. She is a college graduate, a returned missionary and holds down a full time job while being herself.. What more could a momma ask for... You go , Sarah Bear !!! Here's to another 60 more at least!
Flashback to this time of year about 30 years ago when I was pregnant with Sarah and that is how I am feeling at the moment. Cant breathe well, cant bend over well pain from middle tummy area to side, and swollen...
My impending date with the surgeon is probably gonna be on the 22nd... Not that I had some earth shattering plans for Christmas, but I hadn't planned to be laying on my back staring at the ceiling for about 3 weeks! ( Surgeon says 6 weeks recovery... I don't have that long.. so I am saying 3 weeks!)
My baby is fast approaching her 30th birthday.. It hardly seems possible, but it is true! She has turned out better than I ever hoped she would. I am so proud of her commitment and testimony of the Gospel, her love of people and the way that she nurtures those closest to where she lives. She is a college graduate, a returned missionary and holds down a full time job while being herself.. What more could a momma ask for... You go , Sarah Bear !!! Here's to another 60 more at least!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
6 degrees of separation ... in a funeral home !!
This evening, I went to the viewing of a husband of one of my co-workers.. Didn't know him at all.. know her just casually, but truly had no reason not to go as I was driving by the funeral home during visiting hours... So... what happened was...
As I am getting ready to leave, I see the daughter of Mom and Dad's Brookfield neighbors, the Hills, sitting on the back row of the chapel of the funeral home.. I stop and chat. We get to talking about her wedding of almost 22 years ago in which my Sarah was the flower girl... (Still have the red dress Sarah wore! ) Anyhow, she points to the line of people waiting to talk with Dr. Gordon ( the widow) and says.. "See that tall girl who has a pony tail and is wearing a camo jacket?" "She is mine" I said" Get out of town! She is in my Social Studies class!" I love that youngin! Then Tammy says "You're THAT Ms. Tucker??!!" ( We only have 1 Mrs, 1 Mr. and 1 Ms Tucker working at 8th Street. Need I say anything about that causing some confusion from time to time? Especially since the other two are married... to each other !)
Any who.... While we are just marveling at what a small world it indeed is.. Tammy tells me that one of her bridesmaids at her wedding was Debra Musselwhite.. who now is Debra Sellars.. who just happens to be an Assistant Principal at 8th Street and a very dear friend of mine !!!
Go Figure... Is it 6 degrees of separation or just the fact that Tifton is such a small town ??
As I am getting ready to leave, I see the daughter of Mom and Dad's Brookfield neighbors, the Hills, sitting on the back row of the chapel of the funeral home.. I stop and chat. We get to talking about her wedding of almost 22 years ago in which my Sarah was the flower girl... (Still have the red dress Sarah wore! ) Anyhow, she points to the line of people waiting to talk with Dr. Gordon ( the widow) and says.. "See that tall girl who has a pony tail and is wearing a camo jacket?" "She is mine" I said" Get out of town! She is in my Social Studies class!" I love that youngin! Then Tammy says "You're THAT Ms. Tucker??!!" ( We only have 1 Mrs, 1 Mr. and 1 Ms Tucker working at 8th Street. Need I say anything about that causing some confusion from time to time? Especially since the other two are married... to each other !)
Any who.... While we are just marveling at what a small world it indeed is.. Tammy tells me that one of her bridesmaids at her wedding was Debra Musselwhite.. who now is Debra Sellars.. who just happens to be an Assistant Principal at 8th Street and a very dear friend of mine !!!
Go Figure... Is it 6 degrees of separation or just the fact that Tifton is such a small town ??
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thanksgiving ramblings....
In recent years, I have never really known what to expect from Thanksgiving Day... This year was a good one.. Took a long drive by myself...The weather was perfect, traffic was not bad at all. Then spent time reading a book and drinking hot chocolate. Made several decisions about my life...
I will start on my second Master's degree in January... It will be a Master's in American History... I am working on updating my Academic Vita (vita...Latin for "path of one's life" In the non-academic world, it is called a resume) I am planning on hitting the internet superhighway of teaching jobs in Florida about February. I think it is time that I moved onto some new adventure... so... I am gonna try my best to get as close to the kids in Orlando as I can. I would love to teach History on the community college level...(Hence the second Master's in American History.) I think I have done about all the damage to the Tift County School System I can... Teacher of the Year, Teacher of the Year for Wal-Mart and Teacher of Excellence...That last one I had always hoped for but never dreamed I would be "tapped" for it...
Thanks and apologies both go to my family for their support/my comments recently....
One thing I have found great satisfaction in recently is typing for Brother Barrieneau at church so he can feel a part of Sacrament meeting... Helps me to focus more and feel more of the Spirit when I do this..
I will start on my second Master's degree in January... It will be a Master's in American History... I am working on updating my Academic Vita (vita...Latin for "path of one's life" In the non-academic world, it is called a resume) I am planning on hitting the internet superhighway of teaching jobs in Florida about February. I think it is time that I moved onto some new adventure... so... I am gonna try my best to get as close to the kids in Orlando as I can. I would love to teach History on the community college level...(Hence the second Master's in American History.) I think I have done about all the damage to the Tift County School System I can... Teacher of the Year, Teacher of the Year for Wal-Mart and Teacher of Excellence...That last one I had always hoped for but never dreamed I would be "tapped" for it...
Thanks and apologies both go to my family for their support/my comments recently....
One thing I have found great satisfaction in recently is typing for Brother Barrieneau at church so he can feel a part of Sacrament meeting... Helps me to focus more and feel more of the Spirit when I do this..
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Grateful for the good days
Just wanted to let everyone who is concerned that I had a good weekend... If I had a bunch of extra money, I would have had a great weekend... :-)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The law of opposition in all things...
We are told in the scriptures that in order to appreciate the good in life, we must experience the bad...in order to be truly happy, we need to know what it feels like to be truly sad.. and there is a time and a purpose to everything under the heavens...
After several weeks of occasional prayer and recent days spent in almost constant prayer, I have finally began to see the small pin prick of light at the end of this tunnel of depression I have been in. There are several colleagues at work who have felt immense sorrow with the nature of our jobs this year at school. Because we put so much of ourselves into our calling as teachers, it has the potential of draining us of energy to deal with the "under belly of the beast" of teaching... When I am given little to no free agency to chose what is best for my individual students, to use the talents the Lord has given me to enhance my lessons for my students, I have discovered that there is a grieving process that has to be endured before the acceptance phase can take place.. I think that is truly what I have been going through recently... However, the upside of this trial is that it has caused me to look harshly at myself and to see if I need to make a change in my job, my life or just what... I am now at the stage of listening carefully to the guidance that the Lord is trying to give me as to what direction I need to go now... I'll keep ya posted as I learn the answers to this.
After several weeks of occasional prayer and recent days spent in almost constant prayer, I have finally began to see the small pin prick of light at the end of this tunnel of depression I have been in. There are several colleagues at work who have felt immense sorrow with the nature of our jobs this year at school. Because we put so much of ourselves into our calling as teachers, it has the potential of draining us of energy to deal with the "under belly of the beast" of teaching... When I am given little to no free agency to chose what is best for my individual students, to use the talents the Lord has given me to enhance my lessons for my students, I have discovered that there is a grieving process that has to be endured before the acceptance phase can take place.. I think that is truly what I have been going through recently... However, the upside of this trial is that it has caused me to look harshly at myself and to see if I need to make a change in my job, my life or just what... I am now at the stage of listening carefully to the guidance that the Lord is trying to give me as to what direction I need to go now... I'll keep ya posted as I learn the answers to this.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
